Do you really like him, or?

1)    Do you just like his attention?

He texts you. You. Obviously that makes you feel special. He wants to know what you’re doing, what your plans are for the weekend and he makes you smile. So you enjoy speaking to him. But does that mean you ‘like’ like him? Or do you just like his attention? It’s a toughie to work out. Everyone likes to have a bit of attention sometimes. And if that’s the case then you certainly don’t have to feel guilty for liking his attention and not him (as long as you like him as a friend of course).

2)    Is he just a rebound?

You’re not over the ‘over it’ stage of your break up. You’ve accepted it, you’ve cried, you’ve got angry, you’ve drunk texted but you’re not completely over it. You ask your girls how to get over him. They reply: “To get over a guy you have to get under another”. A classic. And it can work for some people. But you need to be careful with this one. Feelings could bloom, and it could get messy if both sides of the party aren’t upfront and honest about how they feel. If you slightly die inside every time he texts you because it’s not your ex then you’re not ready for anything serious just yet. But as long as you know what you want and you’re honest about it then it doesn’t have to be confusing.

3)    Are you confusing friendship for lust?

We all get confused at least one point in our lives with this one. It is so easy to mistake friendship for lust or love. Here are some give away signs that you do only think about him as a friend.

·      You don’t think about him romantically or erotically. (you know, those little day dreams where you lie in bed and think about all the possible ways that he would declare his undying love for you).

·      You’re genuinely happy that he is dating someone (and if you are jealous, you cant use the excuse that she’s so wrong for him, even if she is).

·      You feel 100% comfortable around him all the time. (Of course when you’re in a relationship this inevitably does happen anyway). This is a dead give-away that you only like him as a friend and you’re not trying to impress him (this means you’re comfortable chilling with him bare faced, messy hair and possibly not showered).

·      You won’t want to know what he’s doing with his life every second of the day.

·      You’re not analysing every conversation you’ve ever had together.

4)    Is he just attractive?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of eye candz. Appreciating beauty is something that is built into us mere mortals. You may stalk his Facebook pictures coming to the realisation that he is incapable of taking a bad photo BUT…do you really like the person he is? Or is his god-like bronze body and his defined cheekbones blinding your ability to recognise that he has a personality of a plank. Ok, he might have the full package, but going off looks alone can’t justify the reason why you like him. Find out what he’s like as a person first. You don’t want a rainbow as a boyfriend. Beautiful to look at but after the initial awe, they’re pretty damn useless.

5)    Do you want what you can’t have?

Here’s another tricky one. He seems perfect for you, but plot twist he has a girlfriend/he’s going away for a long while/ he wants to focus on his studies/He’s not looking for anything serious right now/he’s into someone else. One word: Challenge. Everyone loves a challenge. We’re all guilty of liking the feeling of winning. And winning the person that you set your sights on kind of seems like the ultimate prize doesn't it? You need to think about long term here. What is it going to be like after you’ve gained this person? Are you going to be looking for the next challenge? You need to be sure you like him for him because you could end up with a lot of consequences on your plate if you just like the thrill of the chase.

6)    Are you just bored?

You’re not texting anyone right now let alone dating someone. You’re bored with guys on tinder asking you to send naughty pictures. Ew, gross. So what do you? Scroll through Facebook and oh look, there’s that guy that added you a couple months back after you met him on a night out. You give his picture a cheeky like. And he likes one of yours back. Suddenly he pops up on chat and now you’re exchanging numbers. Hooray, you have someone to text. He’s giving you attention and you’re both getting a little flirty. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of harmless flirting, but are you talking to him because you genuinely like speaking to him or is it just because you have no one else to talk to at this time and he’s just temporarily keeping you amused? Just keep this question in mind if this goes further than flirtatious banter.

7)    Do you just want sex?

Yes, I said the S word. A woman having a healthy sex life seems to have to battle with a lot of negative, demeaning and sometimes humiliating connotations attached to it. It’s the 21^st century where equality is supposed to be the norm. But guess what guys, I’ll tell you a little secret. WOMEN ENJOY SEX TOO. Which brings me to my original point. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with having some fun. Again it all comes back to being honest with yourself and your partner. As long as you do that and you’re being safe then darlings, go have as much fun as you can! Sex can complicate feelings, so be prepared as you might end up developing feelings for someone who you never expected to.

8)    Do you just like the idea of a relationship?

You watch a rom-com with your girls. The love story is so cute it feels like your heart is about to burst. “Why cant we have that?” is the post-movie discussion. So you start to think about what it would be like to be in a relationship (Whether it’s your first or twentieth time of being in one). Your mind has made up and you want to share your life with someone. Knowing what you want is always a good thing. Just don’t be in too much of a rush to jump into something just because the idea of love flirted with you a little. You must like him for who he is and not just like the idea of him. And if you find that you do then go and explore everything that your potential relationship has to offer.