Do we like to emotionally torture ourselves?

Humans have a natural drive for survival, yet sometimes the things we do and the choices we make hinders that instinct.  For example, we could realise that we’ve become accepting of a situation that continuingly proceeds to make us unhappy. We know that this certain situation brings us pain, but we’re tolerant of it and we try again in the hopes that it doesn’t hurt us next time.

You burn yourself on the cooker and after you’ve acknowledged the pain you instantly pull away. You don’t leave your finger on there so you can continue to feel the pain (unless that’s what you do for kicks, then in that case, no judgement here you crazy idiot).  You don’t put your finger back on the stove again in the hopes that you’re invincible and this time it won’t hurt you.

Because you know it will.  It’s happened before and you’ve learned from it.

It sounds simple down on paper right?

So why should our emotional situations be any different?

Some situations are worth the pain. If every single person adopted the attitude of a defeatist then what would be of the human race? Probably extinct.  So perseverance (to an extent) is vital. But knowing when to move on is just as crucial.

Now what?

We shouldn’t trust people not to hurt us; everyone is human and humans aren’t perfect. We’re fixed with the emotion to feel sad, which means we’re inevitably going to feel that way multiple times in our life. So instead of trusting other people not to hurt us, maybe we should trust ourselves enough to not put us in that situation again. It’s a sad realisation but the sooner you learn it the easier life gets.

I’m not saying you have to be closed off just because one thing didn’t work out. What I am saying is that if a certain situation didn’t work out on the third or fourth attempt, it’s probably never going to and it’s time to let go and move on.

If we keep putting ourselves in that situation, does it prove us strong enough to take the hits and still try and make a go of something, or does it mean we’re too weak to let go?

Maybe it’s personal preference, some people might see change scary where others might think that feeling trapped in a situation is the scariest. It’s not about being weak or strong. It’s about finding the lesser scary option.

We’re all going to side with the option that scares us the least when it comes to our feelings. It’s natural to try and protect ourselves.

But the lesser scary option does not always mean it’s the right one.

So what is?

Let’s work it out.

Which one do you fear most?

1.

A) Change                                                                                                      

B) Routine

2.

A) Loneliness

B) Commitment

3.

A) Missing experiences

B) Missing that certain someone

Answered mostly A’s? You’re going to hurt.

Answered mostly B’s? You’re still going to hurt.

The answer is there is no right option, there are just options. And when faced with a dilemma, whichever one you choose will affect you either way.  It is impossible to protect yourself from hurting in life. And that’s just something you have to accept.

1. You have to decide what's worth it and what isn't
2. Don't sacrifice your happiness
3. Put your own feelings first

Ask yourself if you’re happier with or without this person/situation/lifestyle etc.

Answer the question honestly. You wont gain anything from lying to yourself.  If you don’t do anything different then nothing will change. You just have to work out whether you’re happy with the way things are or not.

Which sounds a lot simpler than what it is.